another poem

Forget

You greeted me with a smile

And then we walked down the aisle

We laughed and preceded to flirt

Then you went home to the desert dirt

We did not speak for a long time

Then you asked me to visit and I said fine

I drove out to the desert's sun

For a few days of fun

I wanted it to be more

But you, you wanted a whore

I did not understand

I went home to the sand

I waited for your call

You said you would visit, after all

It was all a lie

I listened with a sigh,

When I heard, I told you so

We told you not to go.

I often think about you

When forgetting you is what I need to do.

poem

Not to be
You told me I would make a difference.
My life has not been the same since.
You called me beautiful.
And touched my soul.
You really saw me.
But it was not to be.

You asked me every week.
Your approval I did seek.
Your touch gave me a thrill
A void in my heart you did fill.
You really saw me.
But it was not to be.

We talked about travel.
There was no bull.
We talked about forever.
Our bond would not sever
We were sure.
Each other we would cure.
You really saw me.
But it was not to be.

It was all a secret.
I struggled to keep it.
My love for you is clear.
We were riddled with fear.
Friendships would end.
Jealous, they would have been.
It they knew, you really saw me.
But it was not to be.
I love you baby,
Too bad we weren't meant to be, maybe

What is it like to Crew?

So, this past weekend I crewed at the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer. The Avon Walk for Breast Cancer is a 39.3 2-day walk to raise awareness and funds for research for Breast Cancer. My sister walked the year my mom died in a 3 day 60 mile walk, that eventually became this walk. My sister walked for about 5 years. My dad decided to walk with her in 2005 and I decided to crew. I do not believe that I could walk that many miles without hurting myself. The first year that I crewed, I was on the Information Services team. This was not enough for me. Basically this team gives out information, I was bored. The next year I was on the Traffic and Security Team. I felt cool. I got a walkie talkie and we controlled all the traffic in and out of camp. Maybe I should back up and explain some more about the walk. The walk officially begins Friday night at Event Eve. This is where we check in, turn in money and the crew meets for final instructions. The next morning there is Opening Ceremonies (which I got to see for the first time this year). They stretch with the walkers and have some speakers. Then the walk begins. The walkers walk 26.2 miles on the first day. Then they get to camp, Wellness Village. Wellness Village is a city. There are tents for sleeping, sponsors tents (shopping and whatnot), food, medical services, showers, entertainment and fellowship. Visitors are allowed until a certain time. Then it is lights out and everyone (or most everyone) sleeps in tents. They wake the next morning, shower, eat a yummy breakfast and continue on the walk for another 13.1 miles. Then they arrive at Closing Ceremonies, more speakers and crying.

Back to what I was saying, after Traffic and Security, I was excited to crew again. I loved that team and would have happily returned. BUT, I was asked to be a Team Leader. What is a team leader you may ask? A team leader is in charge of a crew team. We have to attend extra meetings throughout the year and we are the go to person. So, now I was in charge of Quick Stop D, a stop on the route! WAIT! I have never been on the route before! And now I am in charge! You must be crazy, Kelley! We made it through, I learned what to do and asked a lot of questions. My team also volunteered to work at the Download Lot on Day 2, since our stop was so far into the walk that we were not needed on the secon

d day. I will get back to Download Lot later.

So, let me explain to you my past weekend's experiences. So you can get an idea of what it is like to crew and to be a crew team leader.

The work really never stops. After last year's event, we had a final team leader meeting, a debrief. A few months after that monthly team leader meetings begin for this event.

Friday, I had to be at Event Eve early, because I have to check in before the 4pm Team Leader meeting. So we arrived in Santa Barbara about noon. We checked in to hotel and explored the area for a bit. I got to the Event Eve location about 330, checked in and rushed off to the Team Leader, not before I picked up my Event cell phone and walkie talkie and tshirts. Then we had our Team Leader meeting at 4pm, an all Crew meetin

g at 5pm and individual team meetings at 6pm. We finished up about 7pm. Then we rushed off to dinner and to bed! We had to leave the hotel at 530am!

Saturday, I arrived at Opening Ceremonies, grabbed some breakfast, and met up with my team. We got to stay and watch Opening Ceremonies for a bit and then we had to walk to the Upload Lot to pick up our event car and Cargo Van. We drove to our stop and set up. We had to set up 2 pop up tents, 6 tables, several chairs and our decorations. We had to wait for the water and ice to be delivered and then we set up our gatorade and water for the walkers. Once the walkers began arriving at our stop (around 1130am) we were helping them until 3pm. Then we had to clean up our spot, make sure there was not trash left behind and we were out of stop by 330pm. We drove to Wellness Village and checked in. There we w

ere given a job until 6pm. We had dinner then and set up our tents to sleep in. I had a Team Leader meeting at 8pm. After that I went to bed. I was exhausted!

Sunday, we had to be up and ready to go by 7am. So, I got up early, showered in a truck, took down my tent and my dad's and ate breakfast. We were then assigned to cheer for walkers as they were leaving camp. After that, we helped take down the tables and chairs in the dining tent, picked up our lunches and were off to the Download Lot. We volunteered to work there for the 3rd year. The Download Lot is just that, a lot. All the event vehicles return to this lot to unload all the event supplies. This includes but is not limited to: trash, water, snacks, gatorade and water coolers, ice chests, tables, chairs, signage, bins of supplies (toilet paper, gloves, counter clickers, ice scoops, etc), and the vehicle itself. We were in charge of facilitating this. We told the people were to park, where to put their stuff and we helpe

d to clean the stuff and organize it. We worked here for several hours without taking a break. Finally, it was time to go. Most people could take a shuttle to Closing Ceremonies but we decided it would be better to drive our own car, so we had to walk to our car and then drive to Closing Ceremonies.

Why would someone chose to Crew?

Crewing is rewarding, we are the backbone of the event. Of course, the event could not take place without walkers, but it could not take place without crew members either. We work hard to support the walkers in any way that they need it. There are a lot of crew teams: Medical, Traffic, Security, Rest Stops, Quick Stops, Bus Liasons, Youth Crew, Moto Safety, Signage Teams, Water and Ice Teams, Bike Teams, Pack up, Set up, L

unch, Sweep, just to name a few. I crew because I am not in shape to walk. I crew in memory and honor of my mom. I crew so my nieces do not have to go through the loss that I have had to deal with.

I hope that this has been informational for you. If you are interested, you can sign up now to Crew next year in Santa Barbara at www.avonwalk.org

My Team with Dave, the Download Lot Master and Amazing Forklift Driver/Dancer!

A Poem.

Three Years Ago Today

Three years ago today
My life changed.
I was assaulted.
I was forced to realize it was not the first time.
I lost control of my life.

I have been
Fight to regain control.
Feeling guilty.
Fighting the guilt.
Fighting, Drowning, Struggling.

Since.

Three years ago today.

be the change you wish to see in the world.

I am feeling inspired. A few things have inspired me.

First, someone told me that of all the people they knew, they thought I would make the most difference in the world. At first, I was so flattered, then I started getting weekly texts "What did you do this week to change the world?" In anticipation, I would think about the things I did during the week. It was a lot of pressure. At first, it was "um, I tutored some kids? I don't know."

The second thing that inspired me is a book I am reading with my book club. It is called "Half the Sky." It is about women throughout the world. It discusses the how women are treated and what they are doing to change their situation worldwide.

So, here are some things that I have done:

I loaned a woman in El Salvador money to help with her business through a website www.kiva.org You can help men and women throughout the whole world.

I donated blood today. I saved 3 lives!

I crew for the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer, for the last 4 years and am doing it again this year. I also raise money for the Avon Breast Cancer Foundation. Last year, we raised over $5000. Can you imagine what kind of good could be done with that much money?

I signed up to do the American Cancer Society's Relay for Life. This cause raises money for all kinds of cancers. We are doing it in memory of Jill Holtkamp, my friends, late grandma. I could make a list a mile long of people who I have lost due to cancers of all kinds. This is a great cause (if you want to donate to me you can)!

I am also going to be doing the Miles for Melonoma walk again this year. It is a 5k walk to raise money for Melonoma research. I lost my aunt to this disease. Most people think "Oh, skin cancer, you just get removed and move on." Not always.

We also always do the City of Hope 5k walk. Which raises money for Breast Cancer research, education and treatment for the City of Hope hospital.


I will be looking for other opportunities to make a difference in the world. But really it does not have to be big things. You can make a difference by smiling at someone, by being a friend, or helping a stranger.

I want to challenge everyone to do whatever you can to make a difference in the world. I will continue to post about the things that I do to make a difference.

Will you take the challenge?

Who Am I?

I am Malia. I am 29. I am kind and caring. I am a good friend, I am creative and I liked to make things. I like to plan things and organize, which you wouldn’t know if you saw my bedroom. I am beautiful, I think in a not obvious way. I am a good person. I am a mess. I am not perfect. I am worthy of love, even though I don’t feel that way everyday. I am a good person, who is trying to be a better person. I am going to change the world. I am not sure how though. I am me. I like to laugh. I am looking for love. I am curious and a little naïve. I am a Christian. I struggle. I am ok. I am improving.

Have a Little Faith

I just finished reading another book. It is called "Have a Little Faith" by Mitch Albom. Mitch Albom is a great author. He also wrote "Tuesdays with Morrie," "The Five People You Meet in Heaven," and "For One More Day." I have read every book he has written (except the sports one, since he was originally a sports writer lol!). This book was again amaZing. And I highly recommend it. I recommend any book he has written. I wanted to share two quotes from the book. Mitch was asked to do the eulogy for his Rabbi. Mitch is a man who only goes to Temple on the High Holy Days so he is surprised and decides to get to know the Reb, (The Rabbi). This is one of their conversations: "If the only thing wrong with Moses is that he's not yours; if the only thing wrong with Jesus is htat he's not yours; if the only thing wrong with mosques, Lent, chanting, Mecca, Buddha, confession, or reincarnation is that they're not yours - well maybe the problem is you. One more question? I asked the Reb. He nodded. When someone from another faith says, "God Bless you," what do you say? "I say, 'Thank you and God bless you too.'" Really? "Why shouldn't I?" I went to answer and realized I had no answer. No answer at all." (page162) This is the end of the book: "In the beginning, there was a question. In the end, the question gets answered. God sings, we hum along, and there are many melodies, but it's all one song - one same, wonderful human song. I am in love with hope." (page 249) Me too.